Quotes from “analysts”.

Courtesy of Apple 2.0:

Colin Gillis, BCG: Haiku: The cracks are starting to show in the iPhone sales, as the market shifts.
Toni Sacconaghi, Bernstein Research: Big iPhone Miss Points to High-End Market Saturation.
Steven Milunovich, UBS: iPhone Worm in the Apple.
Mark Moskowitz, J.P. Morgan: Not Again: iPhone Stumbles into another New Year; We Maintain OW even as Air Pockets Persist.
Ittai Kidron, Oppenheimer: Cycle Exhausted; Downgrading to Perform.
Bill Shope, Goldman Sachs: Muted guidance a hefty setback, but opportunity persists.
Charlie Wolf, Needham: iPhone sales come up short.
Gene Munster, Piper Jaffray: Underlying iPhone Growth Core Question, But 2014 Product Cycle Theme Intact.
Glen Yeung, Citi: iPhone disappoints again.
Kulbinder Garcha, Credit Suisse: Growth Challenges.
Brian White, Cantor Fitzgerald. Down but not out.
Scott Craig, Merrill Lynch: iPhone disappointment driving sentiment and valuation shift.
Amit Daryanani, RBC: Searching for Revenue Growth.
Andy Perkins, Societe Generale: Disappointing iPhone unit sales but some positives all the same.
William Power, Baird: Disappointing FQ1; New Products to the Rescue?
Stuart Jeffrey, Nomura: Weak Growth May Force Increase in Buybacks.
Maynard Um, Wells Fargo: Bottom line.
Avi Silver, CLSA: Deja vu all over again.
Michael Walkley, Canaccord Genuity: Solid results with healthy margin gain, but softer iPhone sales impact guidance.
Ben Reitzes, Barclays. Larger Screens & New Categories Needed to Revive Growth.

So, Apple must have had a pretty dismal quarter, right? I mean look at those guys’ quotes!

Apple reported record earnings of $14.50 per share on sales of $57.6 billion Monday — beating both its and Wall Street’s expectations.
51 million iPhones in sold.
26 million iPads sold.
4,8 million Macs sold.
6 million iPods sold.
In. One. Quarter.

Oh yeah, 160 BILLION in cash. Clearly doomed.

Apple FY13 results.

Apple generated $170.9 billion in sales, a new record for the firm, with just over $35 billion in net income.

In 2013, Apple sold 16.34 million Macs, its lowest total since 2010, and 26.4 million iPods, its lowest total for that category since 2005.

It sold a record 150 million iPhones on the year, up 25 million from 2012, and the company has now sold 421.3 million smartphones in total. It sold 71 million iPads, a new record, and the company has now sold 169.2 million tablets.

The company currently holds $146.8 billion in cash and marketable securities.

Clearly doomed.